9/15/2004

Junkie food

I am so hungry. So broke. Do I eat Macaroni and Cheese made with condensed milk and water? Noodles with butter sauce that I try to class up with Port Wine? I open the fridge, nothingL open the cabinets, peanut butter, jelly but no bread. I check my bank account -$41.50. I crack open the piggy bank and count out $6 in nickels and dimes quarters are saved for laundry. I put on a pair of dirty jeans and a nice button down shirt that I had wore the day before. It has a tomato soup stain on the front of it. My hair is a mess and I haven’t taken a shower yet because the water in my building will be turned off until 4pm. I glance at the clock, noon. Fuck it I’m hungry now. I walk down the street sweating. It’s not even a hot day. I feel like a junkie on the way to a score. I’m on my way to McDonald’s. There’s a line when I get there. I’m conflicted. Do I get the kids meal to just tide me over or do I splurge and get the #6? Oh yeah the big and tasty! With cheese it’s an extra 30 cents. I look at the value menu. There’s nothing there for me. I start to shift nervously back and for on my right to left foot rubbing my hands together. All these people are gonna be pissed when I pay in change. I’m sweating profusely now. The smell of desperation rises from my armpits. There’s a girl in training at the next register. I’m next and I’m this girl’s first customer. The manager hovers over her as a spot. I order quickly, licking my lips in anticipation. My heart is pounding. I start to count out my change quickly so I can just get this over with get my dope and go back home and fix. There’s all matter of confusion.

“You said cheese right?’

“Yes” I say as I look up quickly from my counting. Five….ten……fifteen

“And a coke right?”

“Yeah” 35…..40…..45…..50

“To go right?”

“Yes” sweat starts to bead above my upper lip, my face is hot and my hands trembling.

“$4.37”

“I hope you need change” I laugh nervously.

She flashes me a nervous smile. The manager is running around collecting my order. She stands like a deer in headlights not knowing what to do. I count out the change leaving it in piles by the dollar. Four piles then a fifth for forty cents. Like a JACK ASS she pulls all the change into one big pile.

“NOOOOO!!!!” I scream inside my head.

My food is packed up and waiting for me neatly in it’s sack. I start to fidget nervously as she takes FOREVER to count out my change. The manager tries to help but this confuses her more. Finally after an eternity it’s counted out. I have to wait forever for my 3 cents change. I should just leave it…no I have to be cool. I want to run out, “be cool bitch!”…..but….I walk out casual. The five minute walk takes forever as I try hard not to run. Up 4 fucking flights of stairs! I get home and turn on the TV. Footloose is on. SCORE! I tear into the bag and eat so fast that it’s over before I can even enjoy it.